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Re-writing our future


Sorry about my little disappearing act. I’ve been offline for a while for many reasons and here’s the main dealio: Jim and I decided, due to financial constraints, that we needed to sell our home. It was an emotional, but logical, decision and we had to act fast and work hard. While it took a while to prep for our sale, we were incredibly lucky about the speed with which we received an acceptable offer. As those of you who have sold property in the past know, it’s a roller coaster ride on egg shells.

Jim and I handled it really well together. I must say, this could have been an event that caused a rift, wild arguments, and insane amounts of stress to a relationship. But we discussed our plan going in: we were a team. We would act as partners, rather than adversaries (which can be our M.O. when the going gets tough). I’m so proud of us. We called each other on our BS, supported the completion of each other’s to-do lists, a patted one another on the back as much as possible.

And while I never expected to sell our condo less than 2 years after moving in, the economy and medical bills forced our hand. And you know what? Sometimes our dreams change — sometimes it’s stubbornly holding onto our original plans causes more pain than adapting to an unexpected situation. I’m grateful my partner and I were on the same page.

On our final clean-up/move-out day, our condo was as empty and echo-y as the day we moved in. Instead of standing in rooms full of possibility, however, I was left standing in a home that would soon be populated by a new owner. (Would they put the couch in the right place? What would their furniture look like? Would they appreciate the back splash I installed?) I had a 10-second crying jag and then I took a deep breath, bear-hugged Jim, and we headed over to our new rental apartment. As we rode, the heaviness and worry I’d been experiencing for months lifted.

I can honestly say I no longer have the littlest ache in my heart for my previous home. I don’t miss it because I am freaking lucky to have in-tact credit, a roof over my head, food in my belly, and the best husband I could wish for. Ok, wait. Here’s the truth: I miss the second bathroom. In fact, I really miss having a second bathroom. I think one secret to stress free marital-mornings is separate restroom facilities. That’s all I’ll say on that topic. Other than that, life is good. And life is filled with lots of boxes filled with lots of stuff. And I don’t know where anything is yet, but I will!

My new-apartment resolution is to focus on what I have, rather than what I don’t. And, although it probably sounds corny, I do believe that if I can live in gratitude, I’ll never feel like I’m lacking. Maybe that’s just where I’m at today, and tomorrow will find me throwing myself a pity party. Who knows. I can’t even begin to guess what tomorrow will bring. I only know that today life is good and I can breathe easier.

Your comments

  1. Linh says:

    This is just what I needed to hear today. Thank you.

    • Robyn Okrant says:

      My pleasure!

    • Linda says:

      Best of luck. The world is tough. Have been through many gut-wrenching transitions, and each one brought me to a better place. Experience is like life: you will get out of it to the extent that you are willing to get into it, and sometimes, give in to it. All is well. Be well!

      • Robyn Okrant says:

        Linda, Isn’t that the truth? I’m always a better person once a transformation is complete. It’s usually the act of change (or the willingness to begin the process) that’s so painful.

  2. Susie says:

    Always look forward! My husband and I are closer than ever when times get tough and boy have they been tough in this tepid economy. Cheers to smaller living spaces and living within our means!

  3. cathleen says:

    I admire the tough choices you and Jim have made. I’ve been thinking a lot about how important change is to living a healthy and eventful life. You are an inspirational, role with the punches kinda lady – the best kinda lady!

    • Robyn Okrant says:

      I love you Cathleen. Seriously. I think you’re just the bees knees. You make me so grateful we’re friends.

  4. Jason P says:

    Robyn–you know you’re an adult when you have to work through decisions like this. I can appreciate the difficulty and emotions and am really glad that this sounds like it worked out as well as it did for you and Jim, given the likely other options.

  5. Marla says:

    I am awestruck by the grace with which you and Jim handled this situation. You are a model for positive thinking, and I am so proud of you!

    • Robyn Okrant says:

      I have to say — I’m really proud of us. My hope is we learn to be just as kind and gentle with each other when we’re dealing with the small stuff. That’s when we can still get snippy.

  6. Yvonne says:

    I have been there and done that and it does suck about the bathroom but LIFE does go on and your choice to let it be day to day with gratitude will really help. If you do fall into a pity party sit with it till you get bored. Then rise up in joy because you have love and a home and love all around you and you don’t have to use a whole dug in the ground for a bathroom. Make great memories in this new home. Eventually you will figure out where everything is and even if you need it anyway. Have a great day and celebrate your relief you brave woman.

  7. Sol says:

    Thank you for sharing! Indeed our dreams change, our lives change, everything changes. Nothing is worth the stress. Have a blast settling into your new home!

    • Robyn Okrant says:

      Sol, Thanks so much. I always try to grasp for more control of life, but the truth is, the more I let it go, the happier I am!