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Single women are not my problem

Recently, a woman I know told me about her most recent manicure experience.  While she was getting her nails done, the esthetician asked her is she had children. The woman replied, “no.”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Why no boyfriend?”
“I’m new to the area.”
“You live with your parents?”
“No.”
At this point the esthetician’s head exploded (figuratively).

Held hostage by wet, sticky nails, the woman endured twenty minutes of aggressive questioning regarding the whereabouts of a man in her life.

Stop it. Seriously, stop it.

So you’re married.  Good for you.  Do you want a prize?  What’s wrong?  The Crate & Barrel registry gifts weren’t enough? I’m sorry…what’s that?  Oh, right…you just want all single women to be happy. Of course! I forgot how much of a humanitarian you were!  My fault.  I’ll make sure I send a note to the Nobel committee next year applauding your efforts to shame women into marriage.   Everyone needs a cause…something they’re really passionate about. Come to think of it…you’re really brave.  It’s takes courage to remind a person how different they are.

Pressure from family, friends, co-workers and random strangers to get hitched is an insidious epidemic.

Call the CDC!

Starting in their mid to late twenties, Women Without Husbands* (WWH)  must endure constant needling about their relationship status.  This vicious epidemic rages on until the WWH either tie the knot or pull a gun on their Great Aunt Esther at Thanksgiving dinner.

I used to devote a great deal of mental energy to my friends who were single.  They were my puzzle solve.  Who can I set them up with?  How can I talk her into using more open body language.  She really needs to take a class. Were my intentions good?  Yes.  Were they misguided?  Yes.  Was I arrogant?  Absolutely.  I was unwittingly contributing to the “single means broken” narrative that is so painfully common for women who live on their own and support themselves.  Shame on me.

This holiday season, let’s try and accept everyone for who they are rather than who they could be with a man by their side.  I know it’s going to be hard.  All those poor, single women out there.  It’s so cold!  But we must try!  For the love of all that is decent in the world, we must fight our inner arrogant-jerk-face, bitter, angry, curmudgeonly Scrooge and live and let live.  Imagine – if for just one day – we allow individuals to feel okay with who they are.  Happy with their achievements, at ease and accepted.  We can do it!

*Known internationally as Les Femmes Sans Maris

In other news… Our Mimi & Lu giveaway runs until Friday, Dec. 10th.  Don’t miss out.



Your comments

  1. Katie says:

    Thank you. I love you. Seriously, thank you.

  2. Erin says:

    THANK YOU CATHLEEN!

    CC: my mom

  3. ellenpie says:

    Yes, I love you too!

    XO,

    Single and LOVING it (and just possibly not really able to give it up, as cute and cuddly as guys can be…)

  4. cathleen says:

    Get them off your backs – seriously. You’re safe here! xoxo

  5. Amy says:

    Thank You…this has been the sorrow of all my friendships with married folk…

  6. TheDom says:

    I’ve been coupled and single and I can’t say the actual relationships made me feel happier. If I’m not happy before I start bonding with someone, I won’t be happy after the fact. This usually leads to a breakup, so it’s back to the starting point: you need to feel right in your own skin before you get anything out of being in a couple. Then again, if you’re already happy, feeling better won’t be a reason to bond.